I don't know why this affects me this way. I really don't.
But it does.
I have an autistic twin brother, who I love so dearly. However, while growing up, I was always associated with him by his disability. Thankfully I wasn't at the same caliber as he was, but I could still sense that something was 'wrong' with me.
Throughout elementary and middle school, I had to go see a speech therapist, so I could get caught up with the rest of my peers. It wasn't easy. But when I did, they basically already hated me and ignored me.
From an early age, I knew I was different from the rest of my peers. I was loud and boisterous, very reckless and rebellious, yet incredibly immature. I've come a long way since those times, but the pain I felt being rejected by my peers was so incredibly hurtful. And it still hurts to this day.
Not a day goes by where I don't wonder, "What's wrong with me? Do I come across as a mentally challenged person? A social retard? What am I doing wrong that makes people steer clear of me? Why can't I have a boyfriend and friends? Why can't I have what most people I want to be, have?
WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?"
I wish I knew the answer...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
.jpg)
Oh, honey. No one is normal. None of us. I have always had trouble making friends. Not acquaintances or getting along with people at social events, but real, true friends. I have found a few and unfortunately had to move far away. It takes some of us longer than others, but we all have a niche. It's just a matter of finding it.
ReplyDeleteThese days, I feel like my niche is with these wonderful women that I have met online through Jez, but none of them are close enough to me to have real, physical friendships. That's not to say that our friendships aren't real, just that I don't have these people near me to grab coffee with or to go for drinks with or to come hug me when I've had a bad day. It's sad and frustrating.
But you will find those people eventually. We all will. Sometimes it just takes us longer than other people. You are fabulous. And maybe you are immature. But aren't we all? And trust me, there are lots of loud, boisterous, reckless, and rebellious people out there. And we'd love to hang out with you.
I wish we all really could move to Jez Island and be THERE for each other, ya know?
ReplyDeleteHon, if you are abnormal, I'm a freak of nature. We're all special and different and crazy and that is the spice of life--the part that makes it interesting and fun.
Nobody is normal.
ReplyDelete