Ugh, today's not a good day...
I'm just going to go off and yell completely random things that are making me sad and pissing me off first, then I'll do a list of positive things that have happened.
- I hate how I'm socially incompetent. I don't know how to change it and I don't want to change my entire self to be something I'm not. You have no idea what I would give to be able to have it, but I can't change myself because it will never last. But I want real life friends....
- I hate how I ALWAYS have to make the first contact with someone to see what's up. I NEVER get a phone call nor an IM from someone. It just shows they don't care about me at all.
- I hate people who tell me that I need a certain physical attribute to be considered 'attractive', i.e. bigger breasts. Plus on top of that, my social incompetency just makes me a total loser and not desirable.
- I hate how the only guys who DO show interest in me are either really ugly or total douchecanoes.
- I hate being ignored by people, but they don't understand that sometimes I'm not up for conversation. And when I am, I'm so totally boring that they'll move on and never speak to me again. And then that makes me feel even more like crap. They just think, "oh, well she's boring and awkward and socially retarded. Why should I care? There's more fun people out there to talk to"
- I hate putting my problems on people, but what else do I have? I don't have friends, I don't have a therapist (I might in the near future), my family doesn't give two shits about me and the jezzies I did friend on facebook don't even know I exist anymore.
- I hate how I'm so annoying. I'm trying to stop, but it doesn't matter what I do; I'm an annoying person who nobody likes.
- I hate crying over this. It's getting me nowhere and is just sinking me deeper into my depression.
- I hate how nobody understands why I feel the way I feel. I want my life to change, but it has to happen soon, or things will go from bad to worse.
The only good thing in my life:
- I'm going to go see a therapist on Saturday. Hopefully I can get help with all of this.
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I think there's a overpopulation of douchecanoes. Gives most of us regular guys a bad name. And seriously, if I could give you a big hug, I would. My week's blown, too.
ReplyDeleteI hope therapy works out. It's something I had to explore before, and who knows, really.